Favorite quotes of mine:

 

(and some explanations where the meaning may not be obvious)

 

 

 

“The Pledge of Allegiance should be removed from The Pledge of Allegiance”

 

People always argue whether “under God” should be removed from The Pledge of Allegiance. What they don’t stop to realize is that the themes in The Pledge of Allegiance are completely contradictory to the themes of The Declaration of Independence. The Pledge would be more consistent with The Declaration if it were to read something like “I pledge allegiance to the flag of the United States of America, until which time as it begins to threaten my natural rights at which point I’ll put my foot up it’s ass”. The point is simply this: The Pledge of Allegiance is not on the level of importance as The Declaration of Independence or The Constitution of the United States, as a lot of people seem to imply. It’s just a poem written by a minister (whose version didn’t mention God, by the way) that got elevated by people who weren’t nearly as intelligent as James Madison or Thomas Jefferson.

 

 

 

“I am a genius of the greatest magnitude!”

 

When I first graduated college with a useless music degree I got a miserable job in a warehouse pulling orders for key blanks and door knobs and objects of similar disinterest. In frustration as I roamed around in the 120 degree purgatory, I used to scream at the top of my lungs “I AM A GENUIS  OF THE GREATEST MAGNITUDE!” which was a source of great humor to my fellow hell-mates. I soon worked my way into a tie and air conditioning, and then away from that “opportunity” altogether. Not too long after that I realized that this expression wasn’t sufficient to characterize my unprecedented intellect, so I upgraded the expression to “the wisest person on the planet”.

 

 

“You are all children in the light of my intellect!”

 

This one is fairly self-explanatory. I think I should sell t-shirts with this one. In fact, consider this phrase to be copyrighted in that I have fixed it into a tangible form on this date of  December 2006.

 

“Heritage, tradition, and culture are some of the most evil concepts created by human beings”

 

Tradition means that someone does something because it has been done before. At best tradition is stupid, and it goes downhill from there.

Heritage is even worse. It always sickens me to hear someone say something like “it’s important to understand where we come from, so we can know where we are going”. Another example is “heritage not hate”. The fact is that heritage IS hate. Nothing is less relevant than where we come from. And, yes, there’s culture. I always love seeing some PHD archaeologist combing through the fecal matter of some ancient remains while noting how fascinating it is to discover that human beings 3000 years ago ate food in much the same way that we do today.  If you’re studying these things with your own money, then I can’t wait to hear what you have to say. If your doing it with mine, then please get a job.

 

“There is no such thing as a Jewish American, an African American, a Muslim American, an Irish American, nor a Native, Hispanic, nor White American”

 

If “American” doesn’t come first, then an individual cannot be an American, period.

 

“To have faith is to spit in the face of God”